Marianne Has ALS

Welcome to the first in a series called life advice from the terminally ill, or LAFTI. People who are dying (or who are really old) can’t help but to impart our wisdom to the masses.

My first bit of wisdom or advice is this: treat other people how you want to be treated. I realize this isn’t original…The Golden Rule is found in many religious texts and might be considered the most popular advice of all time. You got me, I’m a hack!!

On the surface The Golden Rule seems pretty easy – treat all humans with a baseline of respect and decency. Stuff like don’t punch a stranger in the face, don’t stab the lady who brought 11 items to the 10 item check out lane, and don’t shoot the guy who cuts you off in traffic. Generally, most people abide by the basics when it comes to human respect and decency….unless it offends their own personal values, then the gloves are off and the brass knuckles are on.

You say: “But Marianne, I would WANT to know if I was WRONG!! I AM treating others how I would want to be treated!!” And this brings us to a slightly different interpretation:

Do not do to others, what you don’t want done to you. All the above still applies but now you also have to think about HOW you interact with others. So and so has offended one of your core values, you must let them know they are wrong, do you:

A – Go to their place of work with a weapon and shout in their face

B – Post a ton of vague passive aggressive memes while explaining (to everyone else) how wrong and morally bankrupt said person is

C – Have a discussion where you state your peace AND listen to their response

And now dear ones, we are at the last / most difficult way to interpret TGR – empathy. All the above plus a healthy dose of empathy (the ability to understand and share the feelings of others). To understand the feelings of others requires that we see each other as human, we put ourselves in one another’s shoes. Empathy requires we look at the whole and not just the parts. Empathy next requires that we share in the feelings of others, that you share in the loss, love, anger, and joy that another feels.

“But Marianne, what about super horrible people who do horrendous things? Empathy with them?!?!” Remember TGR is all the above…respect, decency, don’t hurt others, and be empathetic. If you find yourself unable to empathize try being decent.

Lastly, I want to be clear that TGR doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries or that abuse is ok. No one is required to stay in a relationship where they are being harmed. TGR doesn’t mean one must sacrifice their life or health.

So that sums up my first bit of advice: go through life treating others how you would like to be treated.